As with effective management, the first key is to strengthen your self-esteem. The more value you see within your self, the greater will be your ability to influence other people. Put that last statement in perspective. Do people who obviously demonstrate a low level of self-esteem ever influence you to change your behavior for the better? To me, it is an oxymoron when a person doesn't believe in their internal value and yet tries to influence my way of thinking.

Here are the Eleven Key Contributors To A Healthy Self-Esteem:

Personal Dignity	the feeling that you are in control of your own life and your own decisions
Balance	the ability to maintain a breadth of priorities where no one area of life dominates to the exclusion of any other
Self-Confidence	the belief that you will succeed in a given situation
Self-Discipline	the ability to do what you said you would do
Personal Integrity	the ability to do what you believe is the right thing to do
Self-Respect	the feeling that you did the right thing in a given situation
Personal Initiative	the ability to take action on an idea
Personal Creativity	the ability to visualize an end result that does not currently exist and the process for achieving it
Breadth of Knowledge	the ability to speak intelligently about a wide variety of topics
Breadth of Experience	the ability to draw on lessons learned from a variety of past situations and circumstances
Sense Of Humor	the ability to maintain your perspective in any situation

Figure 2

As you strengthen any one of them, you strengthen your self-esteem. As you probably noticed, this means that the starting point of your effectiveness as a leader is completely within your control because you have the ability to strengthen any of these at any time.

Leaders don't change people's behaviors. Only the individual person can make that change. The leader influences the person to consider making a change. Therefore, the skill required to be an effective leader is the ability to influence the way other people think. Here are twenty ways to influence other people:

Twenty Ways To Influence People

1. Ask a clear, concise and compelling question that narrows their focus to achieving the desired outcome.

2. Provide an analogy that resonates with them.

3. Make a bold statement.

4. Model the desired behavior.

5. Share a personal story that connects to them.

6. Build trust through open and honest dialogue.

7. Demonstrate that you believe in their ability to succeed.

8. Facilitate a group discussion where you draw out the best thinking of everyone in the group.

9. Challenge the others to do even better by asking, "Is this your best effort?"

10. Step way out of your comfort zone to demonstrate your willingness to do whatever it takes to help the group succeed.

11. Clarify with the other people the risks and the rewards of taking action.

12. Help the group define what they will do AND what they will not do.

13. Clarify the impact the group can have on other people if they are successful.

14. Provide a book or a film that causes them to think differently.

15. Follow-up with them periodically to let them know that you haven't forgotten about their efforts.

16. Let them know about your weaknesses and how you have had to work to overcome them.

17. Talk about your heroes and ask about their heroes.

18. Ask them to recall a success story from their past and how they could use the lessons they learned to succeed in their current situation.

19. Ask what advice they would give to another person who is trying to achieve the same thing.

20. Ask what are their greatest strengths and how they could use them to achieve the desired outcome.

To make this list come alive, think of a real person that you want to influence. Ask yourself, "What is the desired outcome, what does this person need to do to generate that outcome, why are they not doing it and what approach can I take to possibly influence the way they think about that action?" Once you've answered this question, move into action. Influence is an art, not a science. Your decision may not turn out to be effective. That's okay. Try something else.

Keep in mind that the overall key to influencing another person is to provide relevant value; that is, be sure that it increases the chances that the other person will achieve what they want.

One other extremely effective way to influence another person is to lead by facilitating. Essentially, this means facilitating a conversation that increases the clarity, focus and collaboration on identifying the desired end result and the best path for achieving it. The steps involved include the following:

The Process of Leading by Facilitating

1. Ask a specific, clear and outcome-driven question

2. Pause while the other person is thinking

3. Totally listen to their answers

4. Write down their answers

5. Give feedback and practical suggestions (be careful not to give it too early and be sure it is based on observed behavior or strong evidence)

6. Combine both sets of ideas to generate a better idea

7. Gain a commitment to action

8. Follow-up on this conversation within three weeks

To create change versus reacting to change, it is important to remember that there are three phases involved:

1. Clarify current state (what to change from and why)
2. Clarify desired state (what to change to and why)
3. Clarify the path (how to move from where you are to where you want to be)

The key is to remove ambiguity at each phase

Figure 3 (Everything is unclear)

Figure 4 (Everything is clear)

The role of the effective leader is to work with the individual or group to remove ambiguity and increase clarity at each phase. The leader can simply tell the group what each phase should look like. However, I believe a far more effective approach is to facilitate a discussion that answers these three questions:

1. What is our current situation and why does it need to be changed?
2. What is our desired situation and why do we want it?
3. What are the possible options for achieving the desired situation and of all of them what is the best path to take?

In this manner, the members of the group feel part of the solution and are much more likely to stay involved in executing the decisions. By communicating clearly up front, the leader saves the group a great deal of wasted time and energy down the road.

The greatest leaders of all time, both famous and not-so-famous, generated extraordinary results by influencing the way people thought. You also have the capacity to do this. The key is not your labels. The key is you and your ability to think through a situation and determine the best way to influence the other members of the group.