Topic of the Month:

THE LONG-TERM VALUE OF MENTORS, GUIDES, HEROES AND ROLE MODELS

Having worked with dozens of executives in one-on-one Executive Coaching sessions and hundreds more in facilitating and presenting to groups, I have noticed that one of the keys to top performance is the role other people have played in building a solid foundation for the great executives. Consequently, I encourage you to carefully select the individuals who you want influencing your thought processes.

In his book, "Adventures of a Bystander", Peter Drucker lists a wide variety of people who influenced his life: neighbors, relatives, his two fourth grade teachers and many others. He extracted powerful lessons from each one and then found ways to apply the concepts. Then it struck me that part of the genius of Drucker is his willingness to be the student in many different scenarios.

Sidney Poitier, in his book, "The Measure Of A Man," said that one of his most important guides was a French gentleman who taught him how to read while he was washing pots and pans in New York city.

I believe one of the keys to improving effectiveness is to carefully select the people you allow to influence your behavior. I think these people fall into four major categories:

• Mentors - people you regularly turn to with questions
• Guides - people who provide advice on specific topics
• Heroes - famous people whom you extract some characteristic from
• Role Models - people in your daily life who demonstrate certain types of behavior that you want to emulate

In my life, I have been extraordinarily fortunate with the influencers who have impacted me.

My mentors include my oldest brother, Kevin, who answered many questions when I was growing up, a great high school teacher, Tom Becvar, who mentored me for more than 18 years, a college coach, Dennis Grace, who believed in me even when I didn't, and my business mentor, Alan Weiss, who has a seemingly endless level of patience in sharing ideas with me.

Today there are many guides: Barb Coughlin, my wife and my ultimate influencer for constantly improving; Sarah Coughlin, my two year old daughter who teaches me everyday about perspective; Jeff Hutchison, my great friend and personal advisor; Elaine Floyd, who teaches me about branding and packaging; Chris Scavotto, my graphic designer; Scott Herman, my website guru; Jim Andrews, my computer technician and teacher; David Shockley, my clothier and friend; Peggy Shamleffer, my accountant and advisor; E.Laine, my spiritual guru; Dr. Gary Clark, our minister; and my friends at NSA who constantly provide ideas.

My heroes include Sidney Poitier, Jimmy Stewart, Walt Disney, Og Mandino, Michael Jordan, Tiger Woods and several others. I certainly love to watch and learn from anyone who is extraordinarily good at his or her craft while simultaneously performing with class and dignity.

My greatest role models by far are my parents. Through their example I have learned the importance of perseverance, humility, dignity, class, accountability, vision, and sustained effort. Gene and Laura Coughlin could teach corporate executives a great deal even though neither one of them went to college. They have PhDs in leading with the heart!

I provide those names to give you an idea of the breadth and depth of the influencers in my life. Any degree of success I've had is a direct reflection on the collective input I have received from them.

However, I also encourage you to let go of the negative influencers, the people who consciously or subconsciously tear down your self-esteem. Many times I have walked away from a relationship with another person because I felt worse about myself after spending time with them than I did before the exchange. Also, beware of people who suffer the "passive-aggressive syndrome." These are the misfits who come up to you in a group setting and praise you in one breath and then blast you in the next one. One time I was relaxing with friends at a big convention when a person I barely knew said, "It's so great to get to spend some time with you, Dan. I've wanted to share something with you. Many people think you are arrogant and plastic and that you are a manipulator. I share this with you only because I thought you should know." Why he didn't just take out a gun and shoot I don't know because it would have saved us both a great deal of time. For the next few days I let his comment bother me until one of my mentors taught me about the dreaded "passive - aggressive syndrome" that consumes some people. I let the comment slide. However, the next time I will be prepared to say, "Thank you for sharing, but please keep your passive-aggressive personality disorder to yourself. I have no interest."

QUESTIONS FOR THE MONTH

• Who are the people who have influenced your life?
• What lessons have they taught you?
• Who is serving as a negative force in your life and when will you end the relationship?
• Who would you like to bring in as a guide or mentor?
• Who are your heroes and role models currently and what characteristics do you want to emulate?

RECOMMENDED RESOURCE

I encourage you to read, "The Greatest Miracle In The World" by Og Mandino. It is an incredibly powerful story about the role of a mentor and guide in a person's life. It has served me tremendously well at the two lowest points in my life and helped me turn them into great opportunities for personal growth.

Dan Coughlin is president of The Coughlin Company, Inc., a firm that specializes in enhancing the effectiveness of top performing executives, groups and organizations.

If you need articles for an association publication or for your organization's internal newsletter on any of the following topics, feel free to contact Dan Coughlin. Also, if you need a presenter for a keynote address or a breakout session at a local, regional, national or international association meeting on these topics, contact Dan as well.

Topics:

• How To Be A Results-Focused Leader
• How To Increase Personal Effectiveness
• How To Build Outcome-Based Teamwork
• How To Master The Art Of Management
• How To Communicate Like A Master Sculptor
• How To Use Innovation To Drive Better Results
• How To Build A Professional Services Firm
• How Dignity and Self-Esteem Drive Better Business Results
• How To Detail Your Way To Greatness
• The Myths and Realities of Executive Coaching

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