Operating at the Intersection of Spirituality, Prayer, Decision-Making, and Performance

In the past 11 years I've written 200 articles, had two books published and a third one on the way, given 400 presentations, facilitated dozens of meetings, and provided over 1,500 Executive Coaching sessions. In all this time, I've never once written about or spoken about spirituality and praying. I've always felt that spirituality and prayer are part of my private life and practical processes for improving performance are part of my public life and that the two should not be mixed together. For a variety of reasons, I've decided to discuss how the two can overlap. This may or may not be the last time I write about this topic. We'll see how this first one goes.

Definitions

First, a few definitions that I've created or learned over the years:

• Spirituality - a belief in a non-physical Higher Power.
• Prayer - a conversation with this Higher Power
• Religion - a specific set of beliefs, rules, and traditions

This article is not about religion primarily because I find religions to be very confusing. Over the years I've had very good friends who were Muslim, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, and non-denominational Christians, and many of them thought their way was the only right way. I've also had friends who were atheists and agnostics. They thought they were right too. So I'm steering clear of trying to explain religions.

I pray for input, not output.

In other words, I never pray for health or wealth. I don't pray for a bigger house, more money, higher profit margins, new clients, or straight A's for my kids. I don't pray that we win the lottery, stay safe, never get sick, or avoid harm. The reason I don't pray for those things is because I don't believe that those people who pray more somehow get the items on their wish list from a Higher Power. When 100,000 people were killed instantly by the tsunami a few years ago, I never once felt that a Higher Power was out to get them. I just believed they were in the wrong place at the wrong time.

I have a friend named Kevin Wade. Kevin was VP of Ticket Sales for the St. Louis Cardinals when we first met. I was his Executive Coach. That was nine years ago. After a year of coaching him, we became friends and stayed in touch. Kevin is one of the most spiritual folks I've ever met. He taught me a lot about spirituality. Kevin also had diabetes. He had to resign from the Cardinals six years ago.

The last time I saw him, which was five weeks ago, I had just returned some CDs by Joel Osteen that he had lent to me. I didn't agree with everything Joel Osteen said, but he spurred some thinking in me, and Kevin and I had a good conversation about those CDs. We also discussed another set of CDs Kevin lent me called, The Law of Attraction, by Esther and Jerry Hicks, which were very funky and very thought provoking about spiritual matters.

Kevin died three weeks ago. He was 46 years old. He had had a kidney transplant 25 years ago, and even though we knew he was still very sick his death caught us all by surprise. Kevin never once complained about his illness. And he never once thought that praying would make it all go away. But he did say that praying helped him to operate more effectively on a day-to-day basis.

So what do I pray for?

I pray for the wisdom to discern right from wrong. Sometimes that's easy to figure out. There are certain basics that I know are simply right or simply wrong. Then there are the occasional gray areas. In those situations, I simply ask, "God, what would be the right thing to do here?" (By the way, there a lot of names that this non-physical Higher Power goes by. I just happen to use the word "God.")

I pray for the courage and the discipline to do the right thing. I'll give you an example. Last year my second book came out. I am not a person of great financial means. I've built my business up over the last ten years little by little, but keep in mind that I was a high school math teacher for ten years before becoming an entrepreneur so there were no cash reserves when I started. I asked God in a conversation what I should do with this new book. What I heard was, "Go for it. Give it everything you've got. Invest in your future and market that book."

Now this was hard to do. Actually it was very hard to do. I had to risk losing money, a lot of money, in order to open up some new doors. I lost a lot of sleep. The road less traveled is definitely not paved with a four-lane highway. Sometimes you have to step on rocks and cut your feet. However, I listened and moved forward. That effort has opened some new doors and I've met some wonderful people. I've also learned a lot, and that was probably the greatest benefit from acting on what I heard God say to me.

I pray for the patience not to lose my temper with my children or myself when we make mistakes. I pray for the patience to stay professional in client situations when all hell is breaking loose, no pun intended. I pray for the patience to stay calm in good and bad financial times.

I pray to always remain a loving person with my wife, Barb, with my children, parents, siblings, friends, enemies, and people I just met.

I pray for direction, as in life's direction. I ask simple questions like, "Am I doing the right thing with my life? Should I continue down this path or should I move in a different direction?" And then I listen. To me, prayer is not a complicated activity. I ask, and then I listen. About 12 years ago I was a high school teacher and coach. I enjoyed it very much. I loved being with the students and players. We had a great time. It was actually a great life.

However, in those days, I frequently asked God what I should do with my life. Consistently, I heard that I should head in a different direction, start my own business, and teach practical ideas that people could use in their lives as opposed to teaching math and soccer. That was 12 years ago, I did what I heard, and I still check in frequently with God to see if I'm on the right path. So far, so good, at least that's what I hear. And my basis for determining whether or not I'm on the right path is never predicated by my financial situation at that moment.

Decision-Making & Prayer

When I've seen executives and managers make poor decisions, it's almost always because of one of these three reasons: These apply to my own bad decisions as well. Here they are:

• The person became emotionally attached to one option and wouldn't consider any others.
• The person simply tried too hard to impress others and took on the hardest option just to prove he or she could do it.
• The person's plate was so full he or she just made a decision to get the topic off the to-do list.

By pausing and reflecting and asking for input from a Higher Power, you may land on a better decision. Of course, any time you make a decision you put yourself in a position to be criticized and ridiculed, but making decisions is the job of an executive or a manager. I've found that through prayer I tend to make what I consider to be better decisions. Other folks may disagree with the quality of my decisions, but at the moment I can only do what I think is the right thing to do, and I believe that process is usually enhanced by pausing and asking for advice from a Higher Power.

If all of this seems too crazy to you, then here's what I suggest you do.

If you're not a spiritual person, I encourage you to pause and check with your own conscience before you make the decision. I'm defining your conscience as that small voice within yourself that you can hear when you quiet your life down. Before marching forward in the heat of emotion or the desire to impress others or the need to get something off your plate, just slow down and ask yourself what you really believe is the right thing to do. And then be willing to listen to your own conscience before you make the final decision.

Prayer in the Workplace

During the course of my workday, I pray frequently. I just simply find a quiet place, pause, ask a question, and then listen for the answer. I think it is God responding, but maybe it is just my own conscience letting me know what I may not want to hear. So I'm all for folks pausing and praying throughout the workday.

Having said that, I don't think having group prayers at work is a good idea. I've heard of situations where employees will get together with their boss and pray to win a new account or pray for the safety of their workers or pray for some other input or output. I don't feel this is a good idea at all. Spirituality and prayer are very personal matters. When I've said to executives, "I encourage you not to pull the group together to pray," many of them have said, "Our employees like to pray together for our business." Then I reply, "What else do you think they are going to say? You're the boss." Personally, I would feel very squeamish if someone else told me what to pray for or how to pray.

The only exception to this is if you work for a religious organization. In those situations, prayer is oftentimes expected to be part of the work day. Employees understand that when they go to work for that type of organization.

However, if you work for a non-religious organization and you happen to be very spiritually-oriented, I encourage you not to make group prayer part of your work activities. It will put your employees in an uncompromising position. They will feel that they have to go along with your approach even if it's not right for them.

Prayer & Performance

Do I think praying can improve my business performance or your business performance?

I would say, "No and yes. No, I don't think praying for a great business performance next quarter will automatically make for a great quarter. Praying is not like rubbing the lamp that contains the magical genie who will grant you three wishes. However, I do believe that praying can enhance your wisdom, discipline, courage, patience, and a host of other inputs, and those enhancements may lead to a better business performance. Then again, prayer may lead you to make decisions that actually hurt short-term business results. Over the long-term I do think prayer helps because I believe intangibles drive tangible results. And I believe that prayer can improve those intangibles."

Obviously this is a vague topic with a great deal of complexity involved. However, since I'm on the topic, I'll close with this question that I first heard from Wayne Dyer years ago: are we physical beings having a spiritual experience or spiritual beings have a physical experience?

I happen to believe we are spiritual beings having a physical experience. In other words, I think we can go through all kinds of wonderful or horrendous physical experiences whether we prayer or not. I have another friend who is suffering from a horrible disease called Dementia with Lewey Bodies that's robbing him of his mind and muscles, and he prays more than anyone I know. But I think his spirit is very strong and always will be strong. I would rather make a decision that keeps my spiritual side strong and my financial side weak than the other way around. However, I don't think it's an either/or proposition. I believe I can pray, make decisions that are good for myself and other people, and be financially successful. But I don't pray for finances. I pray for inner strength, confidence, discipline, integrity, and other intangibles.

Gosh, I hoped this helped you in some way. This was one of the most complicated articles I've ever written.

Book Recommendations:

Strength to Love by Martin Luther King, Jr.

This was actually the book that led to this article. The writings in this book are probably the least known and most powerfully crafted of all of his writings. I definitely encourage you to read this book.

The Road Less Traveled by Scott Peck

This is actually the first of a three-part series and they were all very good. Peck is a master at defining words and then showing how the ideas connect together.

Republishing Articles

Each month my e-newsletter gets republished in approximately 20 blogs, on-line publications, and internal publications for businesses, universities, and not-for-profit organizations. If you would like to republish all or part of my monthly articles, please send me an e-mail at dan@thecoughlincompany.com with "Republishing Article" in the subject heading. I will send you the article in a word document. All I ask is that you include my name as the author of the article and a short paragraph at the end of the article about me with a link to my website.

Take care and have a great month!

Dan Coughlin

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