"The Value of Not Talking, and The Importance of Talking"

How to Participate Effectively at a Meeting

12 years ago I saw large group meetings as a necessary evil.

I would dread going to meetings, always showed up at the very last minute, and always brought a book to read or some work to finish. I would sit down and check out. I never raised my hand, never gave any input, and never really listened. I was a non-entity.

Seven years ago I saw being a participant at large group meetings as an opportunity to add value and make a name for myself.

I would raise my hand on every issue and offer my insights. I would challenge the direction the group was heading in and push back with passion. I would take on anyone regardless of their title and try to prove why another approach would be better. I was the devil's advocate to end all devil's advocates. The facilitators at the meetings would see me raise my hand, and they would turn away and call on someone else. I simply wore them out. People would look the other way and put their heads down. I was a non-entity at these meetings.

Today I see meetings as a blank canvass upon which a group of people are going to create a painting. Each participant represents a different color. If a person doesn't speak at all during the whole meeting, then his or her color never gets on the canvass. If a person talks non-stop for long periods of time, then he or she leaves a big blotch on the canvass that isn't attractive at all. If each person inserts his or her opinion in a reasonable dosage and at the appropriate time, then the group can create a beautiful piece of art. When the agenda is clear and concise and has open-ended questions on it for people to consider and is sent out well in advance of the meeting, people come prepared to discuss the items on the agenda, and people keep their remarks relevant to the topic at hand, then the participants create a beautiful painting. When the agenda has 20 items on it, the participants come unprepared to discuss important topics, and the meeting consists purely of updates with no discussion, then the meeting makes for a horrible painting.

About three years ago I noticed a strange phenomenon. The most effective people at meetings were the ones who didn't say anything for long periods of time, but when they did insert themselves it became very clear that they had been paying close attention all along. They would summarize what they had heard, quote a variety of individuals who had made comments earlier in the meeting, and then offer their perspective in a calm, clear, logical, and professional manner. In doing so, these individuals enhanced the quality of the conversation and the focus of the meeting.

That's when it dawned on me that there is real value in not talking for long periods during a meeting as long as you are truly listening to the dialogue. However, you provide no value to the group if you never share your perspective for the group to consider. Being a good meeting participant is like being a good ballroom dancer and knowing when to move forward and when to move backward. Just as a good baseball player sits and observes the action and makes mental adjustments before his next at bat, a good meeting participant observes body language, listens to comments, keeps the big picture in mind, and inserts comments that are of true value at just the right moment.

An effective facilitator brings in comments from everyone without letting any one person dominate the canvass, excuse me, the meeting. Everyone can feel when a good meeting is moving forward and when a bad meeting is falling apart. It takes the collective effort of the facilitator and the members of the group to create an effective meeting. I've learned that the most important keys are being prepared, remembering the value of not talking, and remembering the importance of talking.

Now go to your next meeting.

Republishing Articles

Each month my e-newsletter gets republished in approximately 20 blogs, on-line publications, and internal publications for businesses, universities, and not-for-profit organizations. If you would like to republish all or part of my monthly articles, please send me an e-mail at dan@thecoughlincompany.com with "Republishing Article" in the subject heading. I will send you the article in a word document. All I ask is that you include my name as the author of the article and a short paragraph at the end of the article about me with a link to my website.

Take care and have a great month!

Dan Coughlin

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