Reconcile Your Past, Identify Learnings, Focus On The Future

This past week I had the rare opportunity to return to my alma mater, the University of Notre Dame, and walk around the campus for two hours by myself. Everywhere I went memories came pouring back, some trivial and some life changing moments. But more important than that were the questions that came rushing at me. Primarily, these five questions:

1. Have I become the person I set out to become?
2. What got in the way of my desired progress?
3. What helped me to become effective?
4. Am I on the right path now to become the person I set out to become?
5. What can I do now to improve my chances of being the person I've always wanted to be?

I graduated from Notre Dame 18 years ago and haven't visited the campus in13 years. The main reason I stayed away for so long was I felt that during those four years I was a failure. I was largely unsuccessful in the three areas I invested the most time and energy into: academics, athletics and relationships. My grade point average was the bare minimum required for a degree in engineering. I sat on the bench for most of my four years in the soccer program and on the rare occasion that I got into a game I quickly demonstrated why I should be back on the bench. And suffice it to say that my relationships with women were poor at best, mainly due to my own selfishness and insecurity.

However, there was one other simple activity that I did frequently, which I had forgotten about until I wandered the campus. This activity was a subtle but powerful current flowing below the surface of my college activities. From my first day on campus until my graduation day, I went to a place called The Grotto two to three times a week every week for the four years. The Grotto is a very simple and quiet place where a person can reflect without interruption. Each time I went there, I asked myself two questions, "What should I do with my life?" and "How can I do it?" It was not an activity that can be considered a success or a failure. It was simply a constant reexamination of my internal compass. In the end, a clear theme emerged, "My life's purpose is to work with other people to help them achieve whatever they want to achieve."

The reconciliation with my past happened when I answered the first question above. Rather than seeing myself as a failure in college as I have for some twenty years, I now realize that I was truly a success because of my constancy of purpose. This purpose manifested itself first when I was a college head soccer coach for five years. Then it evolved into its second iteration when I spent eight years as a high school teacher, coach, moderator and advisor. Today it is fulfilled through my work as a corporate advisor and teacher and through pro bono work for non-for-profit groups. This realization freed me from a great deal of burden and guilt about my past. Now I look forward to my next journey to the campus.

During my internal reflection, I identified the following as things that held me back:

A far too frequent attitude of cynicism and finding something wrong with virtually every situation.

A lack of discipline in doing what I said I would do.

A lack of sustained focus on a single objective.

However, the primary asset that generated success was the commitment over the past eighteen years to revisiting the two key questions, "What should I do with my life?" and "How will I do it?" These questions helped guide my life's ship and make adjustments when necessary.

Recommended Exercise:

Go back, either physically or mentally, to an important place in your past. Recall your situation at that time. And then answer the five questions at the beginning of this issue.

Recommended Book:

"What Should I Do With My Life?" by Po Bronson (2002, Random House, New York)

Republishing Articles

Each month my e-newsletter gets republished in approximately 20 blogs, on-line publications, and internal publications for businesses, universities, and not-for-profit organizations. If you would like to republish all or part of my monthly articles, please send me an e-mail at dan@thecoughlincompany.com with "Republishing Article" in the subject heading. I will send you the article in a word document. All I ask is that you include my name as the author of the article and a short paragraph at the end of the article about me with a link to my website.

Take care and have a great month!

Dan Coughlin

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